Twisted By Design
- Too Close To See
- Exhumation Of Virginia Madison
- Deville
- Mind Of My Own
- Reason Too Believe
- Crossroads
- Paperwalls
- Ice Burn
- Ultimate Devotion
- King Alvarez
- Asking For The World
- Tattoo
- Just Like Me
- Match Book
Too Close to See
A cup of two day old coffee
You're feeling like yourself again
You're still on your own
You've survived another night
In this dingy room with the same four walls
lookin' in the mirrors gettin' easier these days
that old friend anger is losing its hold on you
and it's good to see you're still standing strong
not too long ago you were tearing at a world
that would never let you in
strung out, outcast turned away
you kept your face to the ground
and fought the world with your silence
and so the seasons change
and the people change
and the good times come
and the good times go
found yourself in a winless race
fighting for a cause you never believed
its easy to regret not so easy to forget
all the stupid things that used to hold you down
you gotta brake that chain and move on
cuz I know I've seen it in your eyes before
to surrender now to throw it all away
is to sacrifice but you can't repay
in a world that don't owe you shit
you gotta think for yourself
and fight every bit of that piece of mind
that keeps you going on
gets you outta bed and out that door
step back take a look around and soon
you'll find there's something more
that'll come your way
with a little patience
it will all work out for you in the end
this is my song to a friend that never
needed anyone until now
some times you get too close to see
a different side of what life could be
and if you stare too long
it all becomes a blur and its easy to forget
just who we are
don't stare to hard, just take a look around...
Exhumation of Virgina Madison
No one knows where
I buried my sweet Virgina Madison
the winter chill falls over me
and keeps me numb inside
under the moon by the edge of town
she quietly waits for me
I promised it wouldn't be too long
till I returned to sleep with her
she says she don't wanna live no more
well I don't mind
no I don't mind
so now I'm waitin' for the crack of dawn
to head on back there
to the place where me and her will always be
now I got my Sunday vest
and I'm headed out that door
dig my fingers deep in soil just to get to her
all dressed in black and she's so pale
she's waiting there for me
a blanket of soil covers us
to fall asleep in eternity
and now I close my eyes
when I awake with a snap it was all a dream
I gotta empty bottle of something under me
I gotta really bad headache
my clothes are soaking wet
at times like this I wish I hadn't slept
star locked gaze, uneasy hands
then the dream fades away
and leaves my head
another riddle another dream
another fucked up fantasy
gotta learn to stay away from all this tv
Deville
This god damn car is broken down again
looks like I'm sleepin' in the back
and I'll be dreamin' of a better place
only to call you in the morning
with the same excuse again
by the side of the freeway
watchin' all the cars go by
I think tomorrow will be the day
I get my shit together
and give up this crying game
I've been here before
I know I'll be here again
I don't know why
but it don't feel the same
For one moment I can see clearly
the weight of the world
don't seem so bad
then I find myself here
right back where I started from again
indecisions's no solution
the days that lay ahead
so I begin to scramble
in my head for the answers
only to find myself shutdown
by the same mistakes again
lookin over my shoulder
for the things that pass me by
I know tomorrow will be the same
I'll find a new excuse
to make the same mistakes again
I've been here before
I know I'll be here again
so many wasted hours
so many wasted intentions
chorus.
Mind of My Own
It's four o' clock
the t.v.'s on
my mind is shut off
and my own thoughts are gone
I change the channel
I change my mind
I change my life
I wanna leave it all behind
cause I don't have a mind of my own
I am influenced by
everything I see
and I can't help it now
everything in my life
just thinks for me
can't help this habit
I'm in love with my disease
worshiping my idle time
a life I cannot seize
trapped by depression
and I sleep all day
but xanax, valium, attavan
makes it all ok
it's so much more
than a cry for attention
no loving hands can sooth this ache
so much more than a war with the world
it's my own degradation
it's my own self hate
I preach my pessimism
right out loud to anyone who'll listen
I'm not afraid to be alive
I'm afraid to be alone
late at night my monsters find me
from under the bed or out of my past
all alone with nobody to talk to
sanity gets put to the test
I close my eyes but I'm still haunted
sometimes I get too twisted to sleep
as all my world crumbles all around me
inspirations become admissions of defeat
cuz I don't have a mind of my own
everything in my life just thinks for me
Reason too Believe
I never had a reason to believe in anything
I never had a cause that I could fight for
I never had too much of anything to call my own
a drunk mother and father of four
all my life I grew up watchin' others dreams come true
and how I waited for my day in the sun
every day I worked harder
and I got further in debt
till I realized that day was never gonna come
your written off lost cause
sold us down the river
got no hope to offer us
tore down without grief
what's a generation without a reason to believe
they tore down all my walls
and then they made all my hatred a crime
debilitating us with all their complacency
our thoughts become mundane
our generation thinks the same
our minds anesthetized by apathetic t.v.
No wars to fight
steel bridges won't burn
the beliefs we uphold
are lies we never learn
the only hope for the future
leaves us reason to grieve
what's a generation without a reason to believe
Crossroads
I find myself here once again
under clouds of indecision
reflections looking right through me
I can't believe the lies we tell ourselves
the music used to be everything
the music used to heal
but business soon becomes reality
and nothing left inside is real
dysfunction's all that we see true
allow my best to see this through
got nothing left to give you
now I gotta find a better way
turned against each other
with the games we all like to play
looking straight ahead
It's hard to see things eye to eye
not at all what it used to be
something that I can't deny
and now I leave it up to you
allow my best to see this through
got nothing left to give you
now I gotta find a better way
before I lose another part of me
Paperwalls
A look of discontentment fills your hazel eyes
as I ask for the millionth time what's goin' on?
you seem to be confused
about just where you stand with me tonight
as we tear apart all that wasn't lost to another fight
and so we turn against each other
once again you run and I go hide
talkin' to myself again
bout all the things I should've said
and I wait for you
I wanna know where this is going
and do we still have a chance
to save what we haven't lost again
I made a promise to myself not to let this go
but now I need to see this through
to burn these paper walls of doubt
Chorus
My fucked up head is spinning round
and all my thoughts just keep me down
here on your doorstep
I'm drunk again
I know you're sick of all my shit
and I know you wanna end this
so tell me right now where do you stand?
I know your tired of this waiting game
and I know your tired of all my ways
I know your tired of it all
just tell me now
I wanna know where this is going
and do we still have a chance
to save what we haven't lost
inside all these paper walls we build
and all the ashes that have spilled get in the way
Chorus
Ice Burn
I can feel the murky grip
of a cold depression comin' down
I can feel her hands around my neck
shake me to the ground
ice burn of the soul
in light in sickness and in death
infected every word and every thought
and every single breath
twisted by design
the creeps deep inside of me
feedin off this hunger, rage
and the insecurity
tempted by the rage
I feed off nothing but myself
thirsty for the things
that make me do this to myself
my pen is dripping words along
to scrape the smile off my face
every detour leads me here
to shower in this waste
you are my friend
but now your just living all over me
You watch me when I get it right
you watch me when I fall
Watch me every single day
listen to everything I say
and I swear I never wanted you
I never needed anything
from your twised fucked up lying
words asleep at the wheel.
Ultimate Devotion
One o one point one Fahrenheit
To some it's a fever, to her it's just right
and I can't hold her
and it's bringin' me down
her blood runs hot but her heart beats cold
a devil with an angels face I've been told
I think I'll press my luck next time you're around
I'd walk through fire for you
I'd burn in hell to make it all true
I never loved anyone else in this world but you
a thousand reasons why I try to prove to you
I'm not the other guy
I don't give a damn what other people think
a flare for the strange and a temper like a whip
a soft hand clutches a riding crop grip
smell of latex rubber-drives me insane
beat him once then send him on his way
there's no room in your life for anyone to stay
engrave your moniker in welts of pain
there's nothin I wouldn't do to prove
to make these words I promised true
I'd rather live my life alone than without you
you know I'd rather die then to fuck this up
wouldn't get another try
got one chance there's nothing I wouldn't do
you be my master I'll be your servant
on my knees I beg to be abused
You can take the skin right off my back
with a riding crop or a leather strap
I'd take it all just to be with you
King Alvarez
Grey sky man is talking to the sidewalk once again
your perfect vision of the world it goes unheard
as the rain falls down on your head
it slips inside the cracks of another fruitless day
here in the land of King Alvarez
you're losing once again
it's getting harder to survive
when the world that's all around you
just don't seem to care
and the universe you've built for yourself
is caving in right on you
and the streets are getting colder
then they used to be these days and now
I see you walkin' down the boulevard alone
and your screaming at the top of your lungs all night
and I wonder to myself
how did you get to be this king without a throne
its just another sunny day
here in the land of Babylon
to see the things that no one sees
to hear the lies that no one tells
its getting lonely in this place
gettin tired of it all
Chorus
Asking for the World
I'm not asking for that much
I only want the truth
when you tell me how you feel
I'm not gonna play the games
that make you feel like shit
I'm not asking for the world
How many times must we tell each other
lies and separate our lives
I wonder what went wrong
I'm not askin' for the world
when were young it's only fun
it's just the chances that you take
now we're grown up and we're fucked up
and we make the same mistakes
we keep repeating the same beating
like it's not a choice to make
and then we're lying and denying
what we won't refuse to change
I feel like I've been through so much shit
so many dysfunctional relationships
that I don't know what to feel anymore
I'm not asking for that much
just be real with me
I'm not asking for the world
Tattoo
Another desperate call you're not around
I got a head so full of worry
cuz you're nowhere to be found
displaced and out of order I've been down
on my hands and knees so many nights
crawling around this place for days
well I know you heard me say it all before
I can bleed myself so many times
before I start to doubt
but this time I'm gonna let it go
you're way too far away
and I got too much that I wanna say
and now I'm hangin on to every word
I never said to you
here in this phone booth
guess I'll wait around and pay my dues
tonight I got a new best friend
chemical inebriation
I'm passin time without you all alone
I was never one for patience
I was never one for trust
I'm a little bit neurotic so
ignore me if you must
this brain of mine won't let me let it go
I'm not gonna let you get away
I got too much that I wanna say
Chorus
Just Like Me
I want your misery
I want you to be what I hate in me
I make you twist your mind
so you can be just like me
you got a lot that you try to hide
you need a hand
to reach deep inside of you
I don't think I like you now
but I will when you're someone else
Metamorphosize wanna make you ride inside my eyes
I wanna make you play those games with me
this perversion waits inside for you
tortured visions of yourself here on display
gotta moment and I'll tell a lie
gotta secret that can't deny
I don't want somebody else
wanna make you destroy yourslef
then I want you to take it out on me
I don't care about the things that make us different
I'm gonna make you change
and you'll see yet
that I can do all this cuz I got no self esteem
I'm not gonna tell you lies
I'm unhealthy and dysfunctional
it's no suprise that I can't wait to make you
just like me
Match Book
I can see it in your eyes
I can hear it in your voice
the signs are obvious
that all we had has run its course
and I don't mind giving up the upper hand
in this little charade
cuz I've spent too many nights here on the floor
waiting for something inside you to change
don't look back in anger now is all that you can say
cuz angers all I got to keep me warm when you're away
and I know that this is nothing new
but tonight is all I know
disconnect myself from your memory
and never feel anything at all
and all your words and all your actions
don't mean anything to me
cuz I've cut you off
so here we stand and face each other
we've got nothing to say
a flashback to another time
when silence was a welcomed friend
now I'm sorry I can never really say
all the things goin on inside my head
silence is a justified expression of my war
now nothings like it was before
chorus
Don't look back in anger its just a memory
its easy to forget your face
and it's easy to survive in this place
without you without you
I just comb my hair and wash my face
keep straight ahead and keep my pace
well I got my friends I got my pen
I got a million distractions to keep me warm
and I all I know is that it will be alright.
Huge thanks to Mike Johansen
for typing out these lyrics!
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